Forget Self Care, Try Self Parenting

Truth is, when left to my own devices, I tend to go off-the-charts feral.

My sleep schedule becomes erratic (or non-existent), my screen time skyrockets, my meals become… well… odd (read: leftover Pad Thai and stale Lorna Doone cookies for breakfast).

Long story short, I am the oldest of 6 kids, and growing up there was always always something to be done for someone else. If a meal was being made, it was for at least 4+ people. If laundry was being done, chances are it wasn’t just for one person’s clothes. I think this way of growing up lent itself to living with others beautifully, helping out and working in a group- but honestly it can leave you in a bit of a weird space when you find yourself… by yourself.

My usual strategy for breaking out of unhealthy patterns (cookies for breakfast and staying up til 4:00am watching The Crown) is usually by inviting a friend over so that I’m forced to change out of my sweats (in which I have been living) and move the collection of bras from the back of my couch to the back of my closet.

However, since moving back across the country, my self-care choices have plummeted hard, along with my social engagements.

Anyway, I digress.

A few weeks ago, on a Zoom call with a friend (since life has been basically relegated to those, these days) we started talking about the fantasy of self-care, and my constant desire to be better about how I treat myself. She started describing a new approach she’s taking; she thinks of it more as “self-parenting” rather than “self-care.” I chuckled at her initially, but then realized she was actually on to something.

“It’s all about your mentality when you have to do adult stuff for yourself,” she explained. “My self-parenting persona is like a Cool Single Dad. He cleans the sheets and stocks up on food on Wednesday so he can hang out and play video games with the kids all weekend. Cool Single Dad would keep a box of granola bars by the door so the kids don’t go hungry. But, the family is all me: I’m the dad and the kids.”

I think she was half-kidding, but I was totally taken by the notion:loved the idea of self-care as self-parenting.Maybe I needed to embrace that way of thinking, too. Truth is, I find it easier to take care of others than it is to take care of myself. Especially when it comes to the nitty-gritty business of caregiving.As much as I try to take care of myself in a loving…